working kinda sucks.
the longer you work, the more pressure is heaped on.
new comers can make mistakes.
old staff have to eradicate these mistakes and start delivering at a higher standards.
true but i hate this fact.

i kinda fear for my future.
not the kind that i cant find a job etc.
its just that i cant find a job that can interest me for at least a decade or better still, till i retire.
if i'm gonna just get stuck in the office from 9 to 5.
i think i'm better off dead.

i just hate to even think about the fact of working my entire life away.
some ppl may just wish for a happy, peaceful life.
but such thoughts sends a chill down my spine.
so many ppl in this world ended up thinking this way.
so much so that their existence become so insignificant.

i dont wanna lead a life so ordinary that ppl will only discover my absence in the orbituary or news at night, if i'm lucky enough.


hy got me all obsessed over WE GOT MARRIED.
so much so that i've been neglecting my hk drama, jap anime, and taiwanese variety.
and after watching it.
i realised the difference between ppl who make you smile and those who make you laugh.
the ssangchu couple is the ultimate.
but i've grown to like the other couples too.

some couples make big surprises for their partner.
some do the small things like keeping promises to make their other half feel warm in the heart.
it may be just a make belief,
but it still kinda made me heartbroken at the end of the day.

after about 5 days since watching the lettuce couple's farewell,
and thinking about them for the last 5 days,
and thinking about this entire thing realistically,
i conclude that this whole thing is idealistic.
it is not that difficult to be nice to someone, or put on an act, just about once a week.
but the tears look real.
effort and emotions make not be 100%,
but i felt they were there.

i dont think i'll even commit if i felt that at some point in time,
ppl will leave me.
to me, memories are not really good enough, since i forget stuff pretty often, esp good ones.
i would rather a slow subtle drift apart than a sudden split.

i wonder what is really a 4D character.
would be interesting, such ppl.


suddenly feel the want to be a star and be famous.
but it aint so easy.
haha.
havnt got any talents.
bren says i watch too much shows.
i so very much agree.


good things nv last.
nightmares nv end.