are we laughing because it is so genuinely hilarious.
or are we laughing out of habit.
aloneness stares blankly right afters.

honeymoon period is over.
overestimation is so much more dangerous than underestimation.
i wanna quit yet i dont want to give up just yet.
dont know what i'm working so hard for.
not like anyone would acknowledge anything just yet.

i dont enjoy the process.
i just like the outcome.
the good one that is.

i rarely read a book twice.
but escape so captivating.
i think i'm gonna read it a third time.

the half-outsiders.
invited to the house.
but kept out of the room.

it always seems so easy to lose.
but its always so hard to get it back.
reminds me of 六国论.
worked so hard to advance one small step.
yet it only takes one moment of carelessness, hesitation and madness to lose it all.

the outside world is so the total opposite of the school.
wondering why the school works in this way to give the next generation a false impression of their lives in the future.
schools are unrealistic.

the outside world is so cruelly unforgiving and demanding and short of time, all the time.
expecting everyone who steps into it to be a ready made product.
it doesnt matter if you have potential or not.
it only matters if you can deliver now or not.

it's also selfish.
there can never be a win win situation.
only one party benefits.
the other just has to give way and take in all the unjust.

even if you're on the losing end,
there's nothing you can do unless you got the 本钱 to fight a way out for yourself.
if you hadnt got it, just shut up, smile, swallow your pride and accept everything.
nobody works for you, you work for everybody.