我非常觉得
几乎全世界都在整我
等着看我出糗
等着看我的笑话
等着看我几时玩完

没有靠山就算了
怎么几乎全世界
都在扯我后腿呢


接近完美的借口
让我一直以来
处于被动的状态

不是他们没有邀请我，是我没有勇气加入他们
-钻石王牌16


我以为我是一个不拘小节的人
但其实我非常斤斤计较
若付出不能得到相对的收获
我宁可在回报率最高点的关键时刻收手
而不是事倍功半地继续努力

today was pretty madness.
it just stopped short of raining dinosaurs.

the canal overflowed.
the road disappeared.
and the water was seeping into the bus.

the bus almost mounted the kerb,
the bus stop was almost gone.
the 2 girls were standing on the bus stop bench.
i couldnt even alight.
i think given my height,
the water level will go past my knees.

stranded one bus stop away,
with no empty taxis in sight.
cause the road was sealed.
needed a heli to save me.
all the vehicles that passed by were those making a u-turn from the opposite direction.

police, ambulance, fire engine.
no one was left out.

crossed the road only to find the entire sixth ave centre almost submerged under water.
walked thru this amazing maze of private housing for half an hour to make my way home.

where did all the water come from?
and i take back my words about sg having a good drainage system.



我还真是不知道哪儿来的勇气
竟然这么不怕死的
一而再，再而三
地挑战在极限外的文学
怎么死都不清楚

闭上眼睛
美好的时光
一幕幕闪过
可是 记忆
已开始模糊了

words written on paper fade.
pictures printed on posters fade.
even technology hasnt beaten time.
how can a mere human memory stand up to time.

memory.
its just your perception.
its not accurate.
dont depend on it too much.

原来心中的石头
大大小小的
有很多颗

its already the seventh inning.
the most difficult one.
everyone's slowing.
but still, get it together.
get the three outs and retire the side.

一天又一天
就这样撑过了一周
一周又一周
就这样晃了几个月
一年又一年
就这样活了十几年

时间的流逝
太迅速
太恐怖了
看不到时间的飞离
的确是致命伤

或许以后会后悔现在的浪费时间
但绝不为了以后让现在成为遗憾

以前是以前
现在是现在
未来是未来

明天真的更好吗
昨天比较灿烂吧
今天确实不怎样

拘泥于那些小小的瑕疵
应该不比一次过将画囊入眼中来得养眼

前所未有的压力与恐惧
连吸一口气都觉得费力

我没忘
只是没在记

逃避，不是永远的办法
即是要面对的是一堵墙
也要勇往直前地突破它


既然已经开始了
就不要半吊子
要努力撑到最后
这是我的诺言


你的犹豫
是在给别人机会



想飞过天际 到梦与现实的分界里
想飞过天际 到灿烂虚幻的天堂里


虽然知道可能性非常小
但还是没办法不这么想


no worries.

its only going to get better.

等待，是最没有效率的事
i better start working.


the so many, i thought it would never come, came.
the so many, i thought i wouldnt make it through, i made it.
撑过去就没事了




look ahead.
keep running.
you will see the finishing line soon.
no worries.
you are getting closer.







a chance may come at the last min.
long after you thought the game's gone.
never stop trying.





my countdown has never started so early.

i cannot deny the enjoyment from playing soccer.
yet i cannot ignore the curiosity of knowing another game.


the currents are getting stronger.
but i'll try to stay afloat and swim forward.
the blinding lights over there.
there.
is it land or is it my imagination.
am i even going in the right direction.
anyways, just swim.
but i'm having muscle aches all over my body.


birds of the same feathers flock together.
i dont even see anyone w similar feathers.

no matter how many mirrors you have.
there are still sides of yourself you cant see.

世界。。。很大。
人。。。太多了。
原来很多人的背影都长得一样。


there was a time, long ago and not too long ago
i thought that today will never arrive.
i'm totally proven wrong.
i'm in the midst of taking the next and last step to crossing the finishing line.
the finishing line that marks the start of the next race.




さ。。。
わからない。

流星の絆

the truth, is sometimes, not worth uncovering.
it is a waste of time and effort.
in the end, no one profits.
not even the truth seekers.

the spectacular only lasts for a split second.
enjoy it while it last.
cause you're nv going to have it forever.
does forever last anyway?


那流星闪过


全然わからない。

i think i'm developing a selfish streak.
i think i din use to be so impatient.
i think i used to be more sincere.
i think i changed.

i dont deny i have a bad and superficial attitude towards things, living or non living, i'm irritated with.
i think i used to forgive and forget.
i think i ought not to.
i think i should remember since i'm using only <5% of my brain power.

i think i'm sadistic.
i think i'll only be satisfied when i have to pay a huge price.
alright, i am sadistic.
blame the video games and arcade.

grant me a miracle.

獣王星

literally built to be the best.
literally fighting just to survive.
the strongest will rise and the weak ones die.
how can the world be so harsh.

battling just so to accomplish your dream.
and that dream is nothing but an illusion.
an illusion to keep you alive and moving.
how can life be so unfair.

i should stop running away, right?
right.

i should start tearing down my walls.
i should start walking out of my world.
i should start thinking of me alongside others.
and that world is tougher than me.

are you sure if i work hard i will make it?

that world doesnt change.
my attitude has to.
dont stop reminding me.

courage is not inborn.
it is accumulated bit by bit.

how many of yous do i really know.

i'm so depressed.
the wait is tormenting, 14.

think positive.

it wasnt a heartbreaker.
just not a nice fact to accept.

its like we had our bases loaded for a couple of times.
yet they always managed to get the three outs before we touch home.
and then hit two home runs somewhat unexpectedly.

are we supposed to collect the roman grass?

and the main problem's that we werent wearing red.

relying on others is never going to be as trusty as depending on yourself.

others are not going to try their hardest to fulfill the promise you made to yourself.
you will.

i'll try.
at least i tried.

i ought to be more courageous.

plugging in the earphones.
rejecting the sounds of reality.
staring into space.
hoping some UFO will pick me up for some adventure.


dont stop believe.
its just a matter of time.


all roads lead to ROME.
all hearts lead to E.


i should just stick by my choice and decision.
no matter how flawed it is, and will become.

i guess
words like

do your best.
try your hardest.
push to your limits.
go all out.

nv existed in my limited dictionary.


i just want a comfortable life.

things like broken family and cheating partner,
isnt a challenge in life.
its a crisis.


one lessons from driving this morning: dont be afraid to step it up.


murphy's law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong.


Although you and I have parted,
It must be just that our destinies didn't meet.
I hope you'll meet someone nice...
Since you're a really good person,
No matter who you're with.
Since you were too good for me...

I hope a love that's worthy
Of you will find you.
I hope you'll always be happy..

Do you know?
You're beautiful when you smile.
I may occasionally cry
Because I miss you...
But, I hope you'll always smile.
I hope you'll always be happy.

-i hope your love is always happy
english translation by muish

its not sleeping late that kills me.
its waking up early that kills.
dont seem to be able to sleep well.
i need onion soup.


w limited funds, there is no perfect house.
something is always wrong.
location.
design.
space.
price.
sun.


they taught us how to swim and then dump us into an ocean (full of sharks and jelly fish).
-hy


only the talented are entrusted w missions.
-bloody monday


if your head tells you one thing and your heart tells you another, decide first whether you have a better head or a better heart.
-somebody


fate - does it work all the time?


to the world!

天使と悪魔

once the game starts,
quitting is never an alternative.
in the end,
every other outcome ends in a tragedy.
love, on its own,
is never enough motivation to give up anything.
humans,
forever plotting.
its evil yet interesting.

even if the person forgets the past.
but the past does not forget the person.

ちくしょ

whats beyond pain.
whats beyond heartbreaking.
whats beyond humiliation and disappointment.

if only i could kill w my eyes.

if this was championship manager.
there's always an option of quitting game and starting over.
i would have quitted at half time.

this game is totally
ありえない

フアク　オフ　ユウ　スカウス　クオス
マンチエステ　ルウ
this isnt the best of japanese.
but this is the best i can put it in japanese.

the smile is diminishing, fading, disappearing.

when one day i can no longer smile,
i guess its time to move on.

just let me go.


it came over me in a rush.
when i realised that this world hates me so much.
that sometimes i go mental, and i try to tell you why.
why i feel what i feel inside.

how i try to express whats been swimming in my mind.
but still cant find the words.
but i know that something's got a hold on me.

a team can only score at the 90th min and win one nil,
if it keeps trying.


a team can score early in the game and win one nil,
if it keeps its discipline to defend the slender lead.

a team can score in the middle of the game and win one nil,
if it doesnt lose its patience and concentration and waits for the chance to come.

a team can only trash the opponent,
if it doesnt get easily satisfied w what it has achieved.

a team can pull back two goals the last minutes of play,
if it never loses hope.

working kinda sucks.
the longer you work, the more pressure is heaped on.
new comers can make mistakes.
old staff have to eradicate these mistakes and start delivering at a higher standards.
true but i hate this fact.

i kinda fear for my future.
not the kind that i cant find a job etc.
its just that i cant find a job that can interest me for at least a decade or better still, till i retire.
if i'm gonna just get stuck in the office from 9 to 5.
i think i'm better off dead.

i just hate to even think about the fact of working my entire life away.
some ppl may just wish for a happy, peaceful life.
but such thoughts sends a chill down my spine.
so many ppl in this world ended up thinking this way.
so much so that their existence become so insignificant.

i dont wanna lead a life so ordinary that ppl will only discover my absence in the orbituary or news at night, if i'm lucky enough.


hy got me all obsessed over WE GOT MARRIED.
so much so that i've been neglecting my hk drama, jap anime, and taiwanese variety.
and after watching it.
i realised the difference between ppl who make you smile and those who make you laugh.
the ssangchu couple is the ultimate.
but i've grown to like the other couples too.

some couples make big surprises for their partner.
some do the small things like keeping promises to make their other half feel warm in the heart.
it may be just a make belief,
but it still kinda made me heartbroken at the end of the day.

after about 5 days since watching the lettuce couple's farewell,
and thinking about them for the last 5 days,
and thinking about this entire thing realistically,
i conclude that this whole thing is idealistic.
it is not that difficult to be nice to someone, or put on an act, just about once a week.
but the tears look real.
effort and emotions make not be 100%,
but i felt they were there.

i dont think i'll even commit if i felt that at some point in time,
ppl will leave me.
to me, memories are not really good enough, since i forget stuff pretty often, esp good ones.
i would rather a slow subtle drift apart than a sudden split.

i wonder what is really a 4D character.
would be interesting, such ppl.


suddenly feel the want to be a star and be famous.
but it aint so easy.
haha.
havnt got any talents.
bren says i watch too much shows.
i so very much agree.


good things nv last.
nightmares nv end.

are we laughing because it is so genuinely hilarious.
or are we laughing out of habit.
aloneness stares blankly right afters.

honeymoon period is over.
overestimation is so much more dangerous than underestimation.
i wanna quit yet i dont want to give up just yet.
dont know what i'm working so hard for.
not like anyone would acknowledge anything just yet.

i dont enjoy the process.
i just like the outcome.
the good one that is.

i rarely read a book twice.
but escape so captivating.
i think i'm gonna read it a third time.

the half-outsiders.
invited to the house.
but kept out of the room.

it always seems so easy to lose.
but its always so hard to get it back.
reminds me of 六国论.
worked so hard to advance one small step.
yet it only takes one moment of carelessness, hesitation and madness to lose it all.

the outside world is so the total opposite of the school.
wondering why the school works in this way to give the next generation a false impression of their lives in the future.
schools are unrealistic.

the outside world is so cruelly unforgiving and demanding and short of time, all the time.
expecting everyone who steps into it to be a ready made product.
it doesnt matter if you have potential or not.
it only matters if you can deliver now or not.

it's also selfish.
there can never be a win win situation.
only one party benefits.
the other just has to give way and take in all the unjust.

even if you're on the losing end,
there's nothing you can do unless you got the 本钱 to fight a way out for yourself.
if you hadnt got it, just shut up, smile, swallow your pride and accept everything.
nobody works for you, you work for everybody.